I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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