i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
