worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
