Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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