I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
