I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
