I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
