my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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