Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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