all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
