He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
