Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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