i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
