Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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