A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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