just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
