so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
