sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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