Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Randomize
