let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
