I could make wine with my vomit
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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