i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
