just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
