We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
