respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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