i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
