I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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