You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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