I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
