her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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