So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
