I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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