the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
