clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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