Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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