...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
