M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
