Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
