I think I died a long time ago.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
