so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
