I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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