i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Everyone says I win the strip club
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize