note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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