we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
