can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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