He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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