Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
