Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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