dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
