She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
