i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
