I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
