good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
