Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Still dying that you shit outside
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
