based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
