worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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