Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
