I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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