I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
there was a trapeze. enough said
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She made me pour olive oil on her.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
