1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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