It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
