People with herpes should wear stickers.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
