i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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