You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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