Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
