It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
