i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize