I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
