Christians are straight up FREAKS
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
