new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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