woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
