I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
