He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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