your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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