After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
