Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
