the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I fill condoms, not promises.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize