i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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