I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
