Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize