yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
