I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
