The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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